#5 – Linda Cohn
No, not because she is a woman! But Linda, why do you always hate on the Yankees and more noticeably Derek Jeter? Seriously, is this lady a Boston fan or just bitter because she knows Jeter wouldn’t give her the time of day? Don’t hijack his freshness just because he won a Gold Glove and the World Series in 2009 at the age of 35, giving him five World Series rings for his career. Linda, don’t be a Grinch during the holidays just because Jeter is vacationing in the islands with Minka Kelly. It’s not his fault he is the smoothest shortstop in the business. Give respect when respect is due, and get off your high horse Miss Cohn. By the way, I haven’t seen gums like her's since Jon Heder in Napoleon Dynamite. Let’s not forget Jeter has the best job in the world: playing shortstop for the New York Yankees. If you get a chance, look at the list of women Derek has been linked to, not to shabby. Maybe that explains Linda’s hostility, but we will never know. ESPN could use a few more Erin Andrews in Bristol. Happy Hanukkah Linda and a Happy New Year.
#4 – Jeremy Schaap
Let’s face it, the only reason Schaap has a job is because of his father Dick Schaap. Dick was a fantastic sports anchor who called the game like he saw it and was the kind of guy you welcomed into your home via a flat screen TV in your man-cave. Jeremy on the contrary is quite the opposite. Sports fans see right through Schaap and all that he represents. Maybe it’s the fact that a cool breeze could knock him over, weighing in at a whopping 110 pounds, or his voice often confused with C3PO from Star Wars. WE GET IT, you expect everything to be handed to you. In the words of Andree 3000 of OutKast, “I know you like to thank your $!@& don’t stank, but lean a little bit closer see that roses really smell like boo-boo-boo.” Call it like you see it, not how you want people to see you Jeremy.
#3 – Stephen A. Smith
STOP YELLING. We can hear you Stephen A. Just because you yell does not mean your opinion is more important than anyone else. Sports fans are too busy trying to get the ringing to stop in their ears to pay attention to what you have to say, which is usually just a lot of noise anyway. It reminds me of the part in Anchorman when Ron Bugundy (Will Ferrell) and the Channel 4 News Team are arguing with their boss about allowing a woman anchor at the station for the first time and Brick Tamland (Steve Carell) has no idea what’s going on and just blurts out, “LOUD NOISES!” The good news is that Steven A. has left ESPN because in his words they were “going in different directions.” Or in the words of Owen Wilson in Wedding Crashers, “kindly leave!”
#2 – Skip Bayless
Where do I start here? Better yet, how much time do you have? Skip Bayless has haunted my nightmares for far too long ranting about nothing just to take the opposite side of an argument. Besides looking like a smaller version of a Ken doll, Skip offers little to the world of sports and doesn’t keep a firm stance on most of his debates. I know he is an educated man, but please for the love of God STOP GOING OFF ON TANGENTS, we can’t understand you. How do I know the Mayas and Negrodamus, I mean Nostradamus, were right about the world ending in 2012? Skip now has a twitter. Hopefully he pulls a stunt like that British guy James Coleman who ran into a tree after he "tweeted" while jogging. Not only that, but he had the nerve to search his own name before creating it. Only he would be arrogant enough to search himself and then complain that someone else is out using his Twitter name. Someone needs to call the Waaambulance on this guy.
#1 – Joe Buck
Enough said. But seriously, who likes this guy? He, like Linda Cohn, openly roots against the Yankees. It’s not even a question. Whenever the opposing team does something remotely positive he goes bonkers, but when Arod crushes a three run home run in the ninth inning to tie a game, Buck seems as unaesthetic as a nun at a Lil Wayne concert. The bottom line is the guy loves to hear himself talk and feels he is obligated to speak to American sports fans as if it were his destiny. News flash Joe, you are in the same boat as Schaap when it comes to how you got to where you are: your daddy Jack Buck. I was at a bar watching Game 2 of the 2009 World Series between the Philadelphia Phillies and the New York Yankees and even Phillies fans booed this guy the instant his face came on TV. Do you think if we could get enough signatures we could petition him off television forever, or at least a few years? Let’s make it happen. Good day to you all.
Honorable Mentions:
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